| tis a new one |
[10 Feb 2006|06:47pm] |
Music in your ears
makes you do strange things
even on a cold night like this.
It makes you dramatic
like you're in your own movie
with your own background music
playing just for you
in your walk in New York scene.
It makes you do strange things
like walk past your building
even though you can see
your breath in front of you
and your lips are cracking.
It makes you do things like walk towards Riverside
drawn by the lights on the dark water
and you stand in the cold
for who knows how long
forgetting this and that you have to do
remembering that this is you being dramatic
in your own little movie
with your own background music -
you stand there feeling famous
for a moment or two
and nobody knows but you.
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| i thought it had left me |
[17 Aug 2005|01:51am] |
The Beginning of Your Effect
I was wrong when I thought
that you inspired no poetry.
Still, I struggle with the art of your plainness,
and your strange, love-shaped complexity
This is the beginning of your effect.
I watch you move in the dark
like a shadow, or a secret.
Something undefined or misunderstood
because there is no difference
betweenyouandthedarknessaroundyou.
I don't know where you'll touch me next
You speak softly, arrogantly, passionately
in riddles that tease and touch upon truths.
You're indirect. Time grows and you get smaller
You are a giant riddle, a question, a plea
with no answer, not even a guess.
Tricky and unpredictable.
My curious fingers search in the dark
to find where you begin and where you end.
But I find no difference
between you
and the darkness
around you.
I touch places I shouldn't, but want to
Forgive me
I thought you inspired no poetry.
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| baack on the island |
[01 Aug 2005|02:05am] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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I know most people don't even bother to read my lj anymore since i NEVER update. and if anyone actually does, they really shouldn't because my life is so not interesting enough to write about. Anyway, as un-interesting as it all is, I'm having a really good summer.
I'm almost always in the city. I stay with my sister a lot since I work in Manhattan and the city's the only place I can hang out with Steve since he lives in jersey. I saw Shakespeare in the Park with him and his nieces back in June. "As You Like It" was playing. I had never seen or read it besides the "all the world is a stage" monologue, but that made it all the better. We had to wait for like 5 hours to get the tickets, but whatever, it was free. aaaand I got to meet Keanu Reeves who had also gone to see the play that day. He was unshaven, but pretty nice. All in all, that day was a lot of fun. We're planning to go see Two Gentlemen of Verona which is playing next. Anyone's welcome to join - the more the merrier!
I went to Louisiana for a few days with my sisters and my two cousins. Although this trip was really short, it was definitely one of the best. We made a movie, had Rohan's (my cousin's) graduation party, and the rest of the time we just played like a million games. We played cranium, taboo, scrabble, charades, MAFIA (which is really just a more complicated version of Murder)and Psychiatrist. And I'm sure there are more I'm forgetting. I really love hanging out with my cousins. After we left Louisiana, Sanjay, Vinay and their family coincidentally came to New York for a few days right after we came back, so we hung out with them in the city which was fun. But now I'm missing aall of them so much and it's so LONELY here on long island!
Anyhoo, after all that fun, I'm sick. I must go sleepies. I want to see everyone before the summer ends tho! Call meeee! I miss you guys...
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| AH it's been a long time |
[13 Jun 2005|09:27pm] |
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music |
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bobby valentino "slow down" |
] |
I've realized that I seem to only update on a whim. But these whims should be more frequent now that it's summer time. Plus updating so rarely makes my entries very long and boring because I have to talk about the last few months. But oh what a great few months they've been... -le sigh-
First off! I completed my freshmen year of college, and daaayam does it feel good. I love college, columbia, and barnard SO much. And I miss it just as much. I have come to terms with the fact that I'm completely in love with manhattan. I find myself going back there like...3 or 4 times a week..for various reasons. Anyhoo, overall I'd give this year an A+. It was amazing. I've made some wonderful friends who are scattered around the country now, and world for that matter. (Sam's in Spain right now doing a film internship and meeting hot spanish men.) I miss her so much. It's so strange when you LIVE with people for 10 months and then all of a sudden they're gone. I miss the dorm life. I miss sam singing songs to me and parisa at night on her guitar. It was such a great way to fall asleep. I miss my roommate. There are so many nights we'd stay up all night (literally) having the greatest philosophical or political or just random discussions until morning. She's taught me a lot and I'm a much more open minded person because of her, mainly because we're so different ideologically. But I think we've rubbed off on each other. That's what I think college is really about: growth. Although we do go to college to be educated, education encompasses so much more than just academics. One of my favorite quotes is Mark Twain's: "Don't let school get in the way of your education." SO TRUE! I don't think I understood the meaning of that until this year. I realized it's not only okay, it's GOOD to get out and have fun, even if it means putting school on hold for a little bit. I understood the meaning of balance. I' not there yet, but I'm learning. And what better place to learn than manhattan? You learn about yourself in college, especially your first year. You know yourself a little better after your first year of semi-independence. I'm SO happy with the way this year went. It's so nice to be able to look back on the year and just be like, wow i had such an effing awesome time. My grades weren't spectacular, but not terrible either. I ended up with all As and Bs. I'll work on getting rid of the Bs next year. But I've learned so much from my classes in college. It's different from hs where you just learn material for the test and forget it the next day. The things you learn in college stay with you because they've actually sunk in and made a difference in the way you think and live. All right, stop me or i'll go on forever about college...
moving on!
I got a summer job! I'll be working as a nanny again for a different rich family in manhattan. The way it happened was so funny. I had to drop off some financial aid stuff at Barnard and afterwards decided to see if the Barnard Babysitters agency was still running in the summertime. Sure enough it was, so I started taking down names and numbers since I was SO desperate for a job. And all of a sudden this man came by and asked the girl at the desk if his babysitting ad was placed. So she said yes and started to read his ad out loud "one five year old girl, $13 per hour, 3-6pm tues-thurs..." and I was thinking "ahh that's so perfect!" So I told him that I was desperately searching for a job and he said he was desperately searching for a nanny! So I start tomorrow working 11-6pm on the upper west side.
and for your gossip enjoyment, I met someone. His name's Steven, he's 21, latino and lives in Jersey. We've only been together a few weeks, but it's been great so far. We've gone to the cloisters, the hudson, the bronx zoo, riverside park, and just all around the city. It's strange because I really wasn't interested at all in being with anyone right now. And I thought if I did end up meeting someone, it would only last the summer so I could do the school thing in september with no distractions. But I have a feeling this one's gonna last more than just the summer. But I suppose it's about time. I was single for six months before Steve so...now seems about right. I'm having a good time. Trying to keep it real. Trying not to be dramatic. Just trying to have fun I guess.
In other news, I'm going to go to Louisiana again! This time with my sister and my two younger cousins. I'll be going probably in the middle or end of july. I'm happy because I usually go every year but I didnt think I could this year. I absolutely LOVE the south. It's the most beautiful, tranquil place ever. And I miss my cousins a lot so I can't wait to see them. I just wish my other sister could come.
Anyhoo, this summer's been good. As much as I love manhattan, it really is nice to be home and see everyone. I wish we could all get together and have an applebees night like we did over winter break. I've been home for a month now and I've only seen a few people! I miss you guys a lot.
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| been a whiiile |
[12 Apr 2005|01:35pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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Okay I knoooow I havent updated in like 2 months. I've just been busy! School is going okay. The work is just mean. But other than that I've been trying to have fun here and there. I met Bob Saget! (The dad on Full House) He was in this play me and sam went to see downtown. He was really nice, just really perverted. He kept talking about the women whipping each other with towels before the show. Or maybe he was kidding? Iono. I got him to sign his autograph for my mom.
This weekend was HUNGAMA. It was a mock Pakistani wedding on the Lowe Steps. There were dance performances and authentic food and stuff. And the weather was gooorgeous. The weather's been gorgeous lately. I've been doing my homework outside a lot. It's fun because Parisa has this parasol, so we take a blanket and her parasol and read out on the lawn.
Anyhoo, what else...hmm. OH! I got a summer job! I'll be working as an English tutor at Boricua College in Manhattan over the summer. Hopefully it'll only be a few days a week. I'll also keep my babysitting job until june. I love babysitting. My girls are awesome. Yesterday Pauline asked me "What's inside the moon?" "Popcorn," I told her. haha. gotta love kids.
Oh and I'm doing an iiiindian dance with other freshmen desis. It's gonna be for Tamasha, the indian show here on saturday April 30th. Come seee if you can. I choreographed the classical part! The whole dance is HOT tho.
I have so many stories to tell tho. Stories about late night adventures into the city. Stories which I shouldn't talk about in a livejournal...HA jk I'm just being dramatic. I'm going to miss the adventures with sam over the summer. But I'm also really looking forward to the summer. I miss Applebees =(
I probably won't be home until school's over tho. Too much work to do and stuff. But I'll probably be back May 13th. When's everyone else coming back? Anyhoo I miss eeeeveryone. Hope everybody's enjoying the last few weeks of school~
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[15 Feb 2005|11:14pm] |
I haven't written poetry in a long time. But one night it came back. I think it's the longest one I've ever written. I wrote it one night while I was sitting in my window. k...here goes.
From My Bedroom Window
The glow of the moon –
haunting almost – looming there
behind streaks of dark clouds.
We sit here in a bitter staring contest,
wondering which one of us is real, both
knowing very well that the answer
may be neither.
The laughter on the streets.
Broadway.
Broadway, do you know your own beauty?
The coming and going of cars,
racing their own shadows on the streets
(the shadows always win)
an endless stream of lights
rushing through the ordered chaos
of lanes and signs and street lamps
The lights on the trees across the street,
illuminating what’s already so glorious.
The barren tree by my window will
be illuminated come spring,
with green leaves and flowers,
and the lights across the street will have no competition.
The girl painting alone in the room across the street.
She’s small. I can’t see her painting.
But the art of her gentle gestures,
moving up and down with such care and feeling,
makes me watch her in awe.
Her painting is beautiful.
Again, the trees catch my eye.
They stand so still on this windless, frozen night.
They reach heavenward with skeleton fingers
attached to bony arms – hands open and desperate
as if in prayer.
I think back to Mahamaya,
the grand illusion.
I think of Plato’s allegory of the cave.
I think of Descartes.
The moon is clear now,
shining with victory
for I believe it’s won me over
in this staring contest;
for they say that seeing is knowing.
I’ve lost, and I’m lost.
And I fear I’ll never know the truth
of what’s real, what’s beautiful, or what is,
In this lifetime
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| good day |
[14 Feb 2005|12:44am] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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music |
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fun bengali music that parisa's playing |
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What an interesting weekend I had. Unfortunately it wasn't very academically productive. Friday we got a bunch of people to come to Mehanata! The bulgarian jumping club! It was a BIG hit, everyone loved it. I think Hamed had the best time tho, heh.
Saturday was kind of a mellow day for me. I didn't really feel like doing much of anything. You know, it was one of those days. I just kinda stayed in bed and moped. Sam sang me my favorite songs on her guitar to cheer me up and it worked. It's great to have friends like that.
Then today was soooo good. Jaime and I met up on 72nd street and went to a diner. We just kinda talked and caught each other up on what's going on with us. It was soo nice tho. Then we walked around downtown and ended up going to central park to see the Gates exhibit, which turned out to be reeeally cool. It was just a bunch of orange gate-looking things but they were everywhere! They covered every path in central park and seeing them all at once like that was strangely overwhelming. Anyway it was really nice just walking around and talking to jaime jaimes!
When I got back I started feeling a little bit down again, but then i got a surprise random call from faisal and we talked for a few hours. It was really nice and refreshing and it cheered me up a lot. He's a good cookie that faisal and so much fun! It's good to know that when things end like that, people can still be good friends.
Anyhoo, so it's walentimes day tomorrow. I hope everyone has a good one. But whatever happens, please don't be bitter and dress in black. It's not even a statement! besides "hey i'm BITTER on walentimes day so meehh" it's okay to be happy on walentimes day even if you dont have a walentime of your own. I suppose just think of it as a celebration of love, which is actually quite a nice thing to celebrate. So I wish everyone a weeery happy walentime. =)
~mira
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| chaos is fun |
[29 Jan 2005|08:55pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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p diddy on the radio |
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so it's like a week or so into school and things are going pretty well. i'm taking Chaos, Spanish, Intro to American Politics, and Philosophy of Feminism. It's great to be back, but it feels like vacation never happened. Everything's just instantly back to normal. I've gone dancing three times already. I went Salsa dancing with Sam, a few friends, and my cousins. Then there was that indian party, which was alright. The Winter Wonderland Ball was SOOO much fun!!! Not many guys tho, columbia guys are madd shy. The guys there were either taken, shy, or gay. Oh well. It was fun.
Anyway, getting into the interesting stuff, i've been learning the AWESOMEST things in class. My chaos class is pretty cool, besides the math because I'm totally lost with all that chaos theory crap. But we've been talking about the concept of chaos in our own lives and like the butterfly effect and stuff. When we were discussing math, we brought up the idea of whether math was discovered or invented. I'm sure most people would say it was discovered (I actually say that too) but that's admitting that there's an order to the world and universe that would exist without us there to understand it. It's like saying that 2 + 2 always equals 4 whether we (humans) are around to think about it or not; it exists outside ourselves. But then there's some who say math was invented. They say that we humans put our own order to the otherwise chaotic universe because humans are discomforted by the idea of chaos. It's threatening and scares us, so we put an order to the universe that doesn't really exist anywhere except in our own minds. I'm open to the idea that that's possible too. I mean I guess it could be that this world is chaotic in and of itself, but our human minds put order to it so it's easier for us to live in. But it stinks that we'll never really know the answer to the question because we can never detach ourselves from ourselves and understand the world. It's weird - it's like our minds inhibit us, rather than help us, from understanding the universe. It seems we're kind of trapped by our minds. We can't understand anything outside of it. And maybe whatever is beyond our understanding is chaos.
I think in some senses chaos is better than order. We've been discussing this concept of order being found within chaos. That's where the math stuff comes in, but that stuff goes waaay over my head. We talked about chaos in literature and english too. Like, take poetry. A lot of the time poetry can seem to make no sense. All rules go out the window with poetry because we're allowed that "writers' creative license" to basically do and say whatever we want in any way we want. Some poetry has no order or coherance whatsoever. But within it there's an underlying understanding to it. I know plenty of times I've just sat down and wrote whatever came to mind. There's no thinking involved in that kind of writing; you just put pen to paper and write. Then when I finish, sometimes even I don't know what hell I just wrote. But then I try to figure it out and suddenly I get it and it's like whoa. There's a meaning behind all those crazy random words. That's where the order of chaos lies. It's weird because I've always thought of poetry like that, but I never thought of it in this "order within chaos" sense. But it seems to be really true. I reccommend it to anyone by the way. When you write without thinking, and just kind of let out whatever randomness comes out, you'll see it'll probably make a lot more sense to you than anything else you write.
Anyway, I find this stuff really interesting. Idk if anyone else does. I'm seriously considering majoring in philosophy but then idk what i'd do with that afterwards. Maybe teach? Hmm.
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| back at columbia |
[17 Jan 2005|02:22am] |
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mood |
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chipper |
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Today was a good day. I moved back to school today, so the morning was very hectic because of course I left packing for the last minute. After calming down my frantic parents, we were on our way to the temple in queens, and then to columbia.
I did 108 more rounds around Ganesh. For those of you who don't know, this circling of deities is a form of intense prayer. You ask something of God (in this case I asked Ganesh) and then circle his murthy, or idol, in the temple a certain number of times. This is the second time I did 108 rounds. The first time was when I asked to get into Barnard (which turned out quite well heh). This time I asked for a number of things, mostly things for my family. This form of prayer is really interesting to me. On the surface, it looks like almost bribery, like God says "circle me 108 times and i'll give you what you want." But it's hardly that at all. The concept is based on the idea of the power of prayer, or higher thoughts. When you focus your attention on what you want, and meditate on it, the goal itself seems to acquire this positive energy to it. (Wishful thinking is thus quite powerful.) It also takes a lot of concentration to even count the rounds because the murthi is so big and it's easy to lose count. I asked my mom to do the rounds with me because I was afraid I would lose count by myself. But that's really half the work. This kind of prayer forces you to focus and concentrate, which is something I'm SO bad at. It sort of disciplines you. But it's also the positive energy you release through prayer that gets you what you want. And I also think that negative energy can have a negative effect. That's why you'll always see me saying a quick prayer whenever someone says something bad. Anyway...I enjoyed myself. I really hope everything I wished for comes true.
So now I'm back at school and I'm quite content here. I missed it a lot. I do miss everyone at home too though. When I got here it was sooo empty and lonely. I started watching a hindi movie to kill the time, but luckily my cousins are still around for another week, so they stopped by. We hung out, had some laughs, went to pinnacle with kristen. I MISSED PINNACLE. I missed nyc pizza! And i bought a biiig snapple! -yawn- it's almost 3am. I go sleepies. goodnight.
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[13 Jan 2005|01:59pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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Okay so...I'm leaving Sunday morning. It's weird because I thought I'd be really anxious to go back to school, which I am, but I'm also enjoying being on long island believe it or not. It's not the island, it's the people. I've gotten used to seeing some people every day, seeing my parents every day. It's pleasant. And not having work is pleasant too. All in all I'd say I had a pretty good vacation. I did feel a little useless however, so it's mainly because of that that I want to go back to school. That way I feel like I have some kind of purpose. Yesterday I watched FIVE consecutive episodes of Dawson's Creek. That's what the island does to you -sigh- especially when you don't have a car. Also, it's suddenly hitting me that my parents are getting madd old and it'd be nice if they had some extra help. I'm gonna try to come home a lot more often this semester.
I think I should make a list of the things that I want to try this semester:
1. Go home more often
2. Aim for maybe a...3.6 this time around?
3. Try to budget my money better
4. Dance more
5. Go to the gym more
6. Step aerobics?
7. Continue to be happy
Today, my grandmother squeezed earings into my ears (with a lot of pain) because I haven't worn earings in about 8 years so they semi-closed up. Now I feel horribly girly...heh but I'm liking it.
-sigh- what a pointless entry. I'll try to jazz it up a bit next time
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| i just had to take part in the silliness! |
[11 Jan 2005|10:02pm] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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music |
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jack johnson "flake" |
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THREE NAMES YOU GO BY: (that aren't your name)
1. buchun
2. buch
3. Indian
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. mira803
2. paperclip803 (8th grade leave me alone)
3. buchun bebee
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. i like that i'm open
2. i like that i'm nice
3. i like that i'm hard working, but i know how and when to have fun yay
THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. i hate that i can be annoying
2. i hate that i have a terrible case of paranoia
3. i wish i could be better
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. indian
2. american
3. =)
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. our government
2. the idea of losing people - friends, family
3. spiders, and all insects =\
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. my ring
2. hmm...a sense of optimism?
3. i cant think anymore
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. pajama pants
2. tank top
3. gap hoodie sweatshirt
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS:
1. the beatles of course
2. muse
3. moxy fruvous
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT
1. Bengali Song - nitin sawhney
2. Nadia - nitin sawhney
3. Echo - Incubus
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. pulling off more A's
2. pick up dancing again
3. getting back into shape
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (besides love):
1. someone who understands that we're all just silly kids and don't know what the hell we're doing, so we should just try to have fun instead of create some long unnecessary teenage drama - basically, a non-dramatic, real, honest person
2. someone who isn't afraid to be my friend
3. honesty honesty honesty, please.
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE: (you guys figure out what's a lie)
1. I never read Harry Potter
2. I can stand on my head
3. I plan on living on long island when I grow up
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE (or same) SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. a GREAT smile
2. nice hands
3. tall...ness
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. lose my temper, since i think i lack one
2. eat eggplant, sushi, or salmon
3. sing (or even speak) loudly
THREE HOBBIES:
1. piano
2. reading/writing poetry
3. aim/facebook/anything internet related
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. finish my "life of pi" chapter
2. talk to someone, i'm lonely
3. kiss, is that bad?
THREE CAREERS YOU ARE CONSIDERING:
1. becoming a professor of...whatever
2. journalism
3. maybe a school administrator
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. India
2. Louisiana
3. California
THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. Nadia (after the song)
2. Aicha (after the song)
3. Dev/Shyantan
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. be a mother
2. maybe write a book
3. donate lots of money to some kind of charity or cause (when im rich heh)
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| keats |
[11 Jan 2005|06:30pm] |
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mood |
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content |
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John Keats
Bright Star
Bright star, would I were stedfast as thou art--
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like nature's patient, sleepless Eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth's human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
Of snow upon the mountains and the moors--
No--yet still stedfast, still unchangeable,
Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,
Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever--or else swoon to death.
ps. thanks for the new layout elissa!
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| for the last day of 2004 |
[31 Dec 2004|01:17am] |
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calm |
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2004.
1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before? lived in a dorm, understood the mta subways, went to an nyc club, drank with jimmy wolf, danced (real) salsa, ate pasta pizza, learned about Islam, understood the 'work hard play hard' ethic for the first time, danced in a bulgarian jumping club
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I've never actually made any new years resolutions, but I think I might start with this one.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? -sigh- no, sadly
4. Did anyone close to you die? no, thank God
5. What countries did you visit? manhattan, once you live in it, is like a whole new country. but other than that, none.
6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? more money, higher grades, more focus
7. What date(s) from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory? all our applebees extraveganzas, the bay with faisal, louisiana trip last christmas break, getting my acceptance letter to Barnard, Barnard's Welcome Weekend, orientation, paaartying with sam, prom
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? getting into Barnard. hands down
9. What was your biggest failure? not spending more time with my family
10. Did you suffer any illness or injury? i was healthy as a cat
11. What was the best thing you bought? my anoushka cd, it's gotten me through many all nighters
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? sam for keeping things interesting aaall the time!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? um...iono, and i dont want to think about it
14. Where did most of your money go? the effing subway
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? BARNARD!!!!!
16. What song will always remind you of 2004? "echo" by incubus
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier.
ii. thinner or fatter? fatter dammit
iii. richer or poorer? ugh so much poorer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? spent time with my family
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? spend money
20. How will you be spending Christmas? well it's past christmas, but i spent it in jersey at my cousin's
22. Did you fall in love in 2004? no, but i fell in "like" heh
23. How many one-night stands? HA too many. just kidding, none.
24. What was your favorite TV program? uuuuummm...i kinda gave up on tv this year
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? nope
26. What was the best book you read? sister of my heart, plato's republic, rousseau's discourse on the origin of inequality
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? parisa =)
28. What did you want and get? Barnard. lol this seems to be the answer to everything. And also, very good friends.
29. What did you want and not get? All A's?
30. What was your favorite film of this year? ha. harold and kumar
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 18, and nothing special
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
complete closure perhaps
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? uummm, same as all the other years?
34. What kept you sane? my friends.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? ahh...i've kinda stayed away from all that this year
36. What political issue stirred you the most? bush getting re-elected dammit. that's the biggest "issue" in the present political sphere i'd say
37. Who did you miss? i think i've missed my mom most while i was away at college
38. Who was the best new person you met? sam and parisa
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004: the 'work hard play hard' ethic is a great way to live
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "find love, in every situation, find love, a source of inspiration, find love, instead of confrontation, find love, and love will come looking for you" -paul mccartney
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[28 Dec 2004|12:28am] |
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So I spent some time with Greg, Jessi, and Anthony today. It was so great to see all of them. I spent more time with Greg since he spent the night, and only got to spend a little bit of time with Jessi and Anthony - but it was still great. Some people are just wise beyond their years and that's them. I was talking to Anthony and he was telling me about his jobs and money situation and school situation and having to live on his own in an apartment miles from home. It just reeeally got to me. Jessi's doing the same (as they live together if you didn't know) and it really makes me think about these different spectrums of life. Most people I know did the college thing, the dorm thing, the meal plan thing, the "have your parents still basically do everything for you thing" - which, I admit, is what I'm doing pretty much. But Anthony was saying how he chose to take that different path, which is true to an extent, but it's also not so true to an extent I think. I don't think I necessarily "chose" this path. I mean I did but even if I didn't I'd have to follow it anyway because of my upbringing. I definitely think people like Jess and Anthony and Greg all chose the brave, noble, and far more educational path. By education I don't necessarily mean "college" but they're learning from the world in ways I don't think I could. My way of learning is from a teacher or a text book. And maybe that's not the way it should be, although it is the way it's gonna be. And I guess it's possible to learn both their way and my way at the same time, but I don't think to equal extents. College education can, in many ways, take away from one's education oneself through other things. This is probably so confusing.
I'll put it this way. There have been many days when I heard about something going on, like some famous person giving a lecture or some protest in central park or some person making a loud statement outside, and I've been like "shit i can't go because i have such and such paper to write etc." And it sucks that you have to sacrifice learning for learning. And of course, that is my choice, but to be honest, it really doesn't feel like a choice to me. I feel like I just HAVE TO stay in and do what I'm "supposed" to do. But see, I know that say Anthony would go to that protest and be the loudest one there. People like him probably feel just as much of an obligation to go as I do to stay. It's weird how people live their lives so differently. I think they've got it right though, really.
And I think it's important to have friends who test you and challenge you the way my friends do. I mean here I am thinking I've got it all right: I went to a good, reputable school, I work hard, study hard, (even party hard at times), and I figure one day I'll grow up, get a career, get married, have kids, and live a happy life. But when I look at these people and what they go through and what they've been through, it rocks my world. Now these are my close friends growing up, so it's really interesting how we ended up in such different places with such different lives. I could never live the way they live. I'm not nearly strong enough or smart enough or wise enough. Jessi is about to lead a chapter on a "turn your back on bush" organization in philly. These are really just amazing people here. It's different when you do things like this outside college because in college they always just fall into your lap. These people are doing great things in the world, whereas I'm just reading about those great things. And Greg was telling me how he learned so much more after LEAVING college and traveling and getting involved in other things and organizations and such. This whole education thing - it's really not the end all be all. And it's not about getting the grade, it's about becoming a good, accomplished person (and I don't mean accomplished in the "bachelors degree" way). I just don't know if I can be anything other than that cookie cutter image of the typical "do right" kid. I believe that sometimes it's right to do the "wrong" thing. But I don't know if I could live by that philosophy; I don't even think I'd actually want to. But I WANT to want to. I guess it's just not for me.
Here's to you three, thanks for being amazing.
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| contemplating a theory |
[21 Dec 2004|05:46pm] |
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music |
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bush glycerine |
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So I've been thinking a lot about religion. I still consider myself pretty religious, or spiritual if that's what you want to call it. I consider myself very much a Hindu. But I admit, that in being religious, I have to be aware that I'm only a person. I'm a person with a belief system and I have to be able to admit that that belief system is fallible. What I mean is, just because I believe it, doesn't mean it's true. So, just because I believe in God, doesn't mean there is one. And just because an atheist does not believe in God, doesn't mean that there isn't one. My main point is, none of us can really know. And we shouldn't present it like we actually do know because we don't. And because I'm religious, I can say only God knows. But for those of you who aren't, you should be willing to admit that no one really knows then. After all, we're just all people. So when someone says "God is real" what they should really say is "God is real to me." Otherwise, you're just being arrogant and closeminded.
So thinking about this has brought me to a new idea. What's weird is, I'm not sure I actually believe in this. Deep down, I don't think I do. But I'm open to the idea that it's a possibility.
So in Plato's Republic, he has this thing called the "Noble Falsehood" or the metal myth. Plato, who is actually the first arch conservative, believes that everyone is born with natural abilities, dividing them up into three categories: the rulers, the warriors, and the laborers. Each person, he says, is born with a natural ability to either rule, be a soldier, or be a laborer. So in his ideal Republic, he advocates the idea of this "Noble Falsehood" in which he tells the masses that each of them are born with either a gold, silver, or bronze metal in them. Those that are born with gold, are born with the ability to rule, those with silver have the natural abilities to be a god soldier, and those with bronze are able to be only laborers. Plato admits that this, in actuality, is a falsehood because it is factually not true. But he argues that it is noble because the metals are real in the sense that they are metaphors for truth. So it's a lie, but not technically, as long as you believe in those ideologies that everyone is born with natural abilities. And everyone in his republic is convinced of this "lie" and they live their lives accordingly.
So I'm wondering if that's what religion is like. What if it's just all a big noble falsehood. It's a falsehood because it's not true factually, but the morals that are explained through the falsehood, are true (to those who believe obviously). But it is noble because it's intention was to bring about the following of good morals and righteous living and all that. What if, back in the day, waaay back in the day, everyone was bad. I mean everyone was just horrible. There was no order, just chaos and anarchy. And a few good men, or maybe one man, realized that the only way to make these people good was to scare them into being good. So he told them about God. And he tells them that they must be good or they will go to a fiery place called hell. If they are good they'll be rewarded with heaven. And then when they ask him what it takes to be good, he tells them about the morals he feels they should follow. He considered those morals "Truth" in the sense that they're the "right" way of living. Even though they're not factually or historically correct, they're correct in the sense that they are moral truths. I'll take the example of Adam and Eve (simply so readers can relate, otherwise I could more easily speak of Hindu concepts of karma and dharma and such) I'll just take one of the morals behind the story of Adam and Eve, namely "Pride". Through this story of Adam and Eve, the people learned that Pride is wrong, but it wasn't enough to know that it was wrong, they had to be told that it was a "sin" that would damn them to hell if they did not learn from it and live a life of humility. Now what if there was no Adam and Eve factually, but metaphorically, they are real because they represent the moral truth that Pride is wrong. And the people follow accordingly because this is what they were taught. And they live a life of humility because they want to reach heaven.
Just so people know that I'm not just bashing on Christianity or something, take the idea of Karma in Hinduism. It's the idea that there is something called "cosmic justice." It's a relationship between the Self and the Universe explaining that, if you do an ill deed, an ill deed will be done to you. But what if there's no such thing as karma, but it's just away to draw people away from these ill-deeds and more towards good deeds. So the people live accordingly, to this noble falsehood, in order to avoid ill deeds being done to them and so that they can end up in the state of Moksha, which is a similar equivalence to heaven.
I don't like this idea of being good only for the sake of reaching heaven or moksha or whatever. That's where the noble falsehood isn't really noble anymore. Why should we have to be "tricked" into being good? I mean why does it take the reward of heaven or moksha to make us good? If one does not believe in these things, and they choose to be good just for the sake of being good, isn't that kind of more noble than those of us who are good only to please God heaven so that we may be with Him in heaven one day?
Now none of this changes my religious convictions. I'm still a Hindu and I still believe in God. And even if it's true that there is no God, I still believe in the higher truths that are instilled in those religious morals. Anyway, these are just thoughts. There's probably a hundred places where someone can catch me and be like "But wait..." Please leave all those in comments because I'd love to read them. Thanks for readin.
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| back home |
[21 Dec 2004|02:40am] |
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So the first half of the year is over and I'm back home for christmas break. If I had to evaluate my college experience thus far, I would definitely give it an A (too bad I can't say the same for my grades) but anyway, I must say, it's hard to leave. I admit I'm sad about leaving Barnard and manhattan. It's not that I'm not happy to be home. It's nice to relax and have no work, but I realized how much of a city person I am now. I've somehow learned to be active and social but still work hard in school. I don't think I had that balance in high school, but columbia definitely follows the "work hard, play hard" ethic.
But there's also more of a reason to be active and social in manhattan. There's something compelling about it. It just makes me want to be out and in the midst of it. It's more than just the night life tho (granted the night life is also one of the best parts of college) but mainly it's the subtleties that make it so great. Like one day, I was waiting at the bustop for the girl I babysit and I always come a little bit early. So one day I was there, waiting at the corner, and I saw this homeless man walk by. He looked in the garbage can and pulled out an umbrella, then walked away whistling and twirling it around. It just made me think. I think people like that are "personas de dios" as samantha says, that's "people of God." They're here to teach, and they do, to those who watch at least. But I figure, one should always watch, no matter where they are. Manhattan, long island, wherever. I don't think I ever "watched" long island before tho. It always seemed so dead to me. But that was entirely my fault. I guess it's just that long island is harder to learn from. Manhattan puts situations like the man and the umbrella right in front of you to see, but you really have to look for them in long island. Well if anything, at least Manhattan has taught me how to look, and watch of course.
I'm glad to be home I think. I definitely feel changed though. It's so weird how one can feel like such a different person after just a few months. I have so many people to thank for that. It's like all these people and things grew me up. A little at least.
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| LOL jimmyyyyy |
[11 Dec 2004|12:04am] |
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mira linda =) |
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so it turns out that jimmy wolf drunk dialed my mom thinking that it was me saying "mira you crazy drunken lazy egg." and my mother, of course, freaked out and called me frantically asking who was it that prank called her. this is what jimmy had to say about it the whole ordeal.
Jim Likes Cheese: i'm sorry i called yor mom insted of you
Jim Likes Cheese: i was drink!
Jim Likes Cheese: i am
Jim Likes Cheese: drink
Jim Likes Cheese: nmy hat6 almostsd fewqll offq2
Jim Likes Cheese: omgid
Jim Likes Cheese: that seants for "oh my god i'm drink"
Jim Likes Cheese: dsar unk, fook , droonk
Jim Likes Cheese: bubble bobble, nintendo time
Jim Likes Cheese: i'm sorry if our mom is mad
Jim Likes Cheese: i called har at 12002
Jim Likes Cheese: that's twelved thousand and two million and two hundred and eighty two
Jim Likes Cheese: forty yes
Jim Likes Cheese: ok, i loooove you, mira mira on the wall, whoos the drunkise of thenm all sprite for mine hahahahahahha
Jim Likes Cheese: ok bye
LOL THAT MADE MY NIGHT.
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| aint it somethin |
[04 Dec 2004|08:19pm] |
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"freshmen" by verve pipe |
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I remember when Bunu was in college and I was in high school, Bunu would come home some weekends. But it annoyed me that even though she was at home, she'd spend SO long either talking on the phone or talking online with her college friends. And I'd be like "omg bunu you LIVE with these people. Why are you still talking to them even when you're at HOME. Don't you need a break from them or something???" And she'd just always be like "shut up you dont understand." But now I dooo. Yesterday, my roommate had gone home and so had Samantha. After ending things with Faisal, without having those two around, the loneliness was just unbearable. I moped around my room and called Samantha like 2000 times, and vise versa. It's so strange how friends become like family so quickly. When Sam came back today she was telling me how her family wanted her to stay home for longer, but she was like "noooo i can't! i miss mira too much!!!" and when I go home, I feel the same way. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE going home and seeing everyone and going to applebees and having fun, but by the end of the weekend, I can't wait to get back. This is why I'm both looking forward to and dreading Christmas break. I can hardly go a weekend without these people; how am I gonna last three weeks?
There is a frat party tonight. I'm debating whether I should go or not. I've never been to one, but I'm sooo curious. And plus the money for admission goes to charity, which is nice. But I'm getting a little scared about the whole "free beer" thing. I won't drink it clearly, but I'm wondering what it will be like to be surrounded by a bunch of drunk columbia kids. They tend to party hard, which I'm not exactly used to. My idea of partying is dancing, not a frat house. And what if it's the shadiest thing in the world and I end up leaving having spent the $7 already? Hmm...i'll see, and i'll let you know. If we don't go there, there's a play going on that everyone's talking about. I think it's called "UI" which is weird. I don't know what the hell that means. But I guess if we don't do either of those things, we can always go dancing or something. Ah, this is why i love manhattan. Anyway all I know is, I need to get out. I've been working on a paper for days, and i'm starting to get dorm fever.
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| been foreeeever |
[03 Dec 2004|08:30pm] |
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nitin sawhney "snakes" |
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okay so i haven't updated in forever. i apologize! I'll try and get back into the live journal thing, but I'm not making any promises.
For those of you whom I haven't spoken to in a while, mainly people back home, just wanna say I'm doing pretty well. I LOVE COLLEGE. It really is the best time of your life. The people here are wonderful. I love my roommate, I love my room, I love my campus, I love my friends here, and I LOVE Manhattan. I feel very at home here. It's like I've been here for a year already even though it's only been a like 3 months. But it's very easy to get close to people here because you're with them, literally, all the time. And I like it that way. I'm not used to being alone anymore, like I am right now. It's very sad and quiet and not fun. I think I've become more of a people person since I've come here. The work, I must say, is really tough, reeeally effing tough, but I'm getting used to it...kind of.
I don't really miss long island, but I do miss my famiy and FRIENDS, on long island. But as for the island itself...I'm done with the whole trashy suburb mini mall ness. The city suits me qutie better. oh wait! i DO miss applebees tho. it's so much more expensive here and no half priced appetizers!!! living here is expensive in general. I'm working as a babysitter by the way for a nice perfect little family on the east side. I babysit two little girls, 5 and 8. It's a VERY good job that I'm quite pleased with =)
Today I went to Indian Classical Night for HSO (Hindu Student Organization). It reminded me of how much I miss dancing. Well, I do dance around my room all the time, but I'm talking about serious dancing, bharat natyam. Maybe I'll start taking lessons again, but there's hardly ever time. That's something else I miss about home, my dance teacher. She is one wonderful woman. It's too bad I don't get to go home as often as I like.
Okay I need to stop stalling and go work on my HInduism paper...it was good to update again. I feel reconnected with the "lj" world! k, psout.
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| k so.....i lied |
[11 Sep 2004|02:52am] |
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jack johnson "flake" |
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Sorry, but i did. remember that poem a few entries down? the one by parcher? i made him up because i wasn't sure of whether i liked the poem or not. (plus it's easier to get real feed back when people don't know it's you who wrote it) but anyhoo, yeah sorry. actually, i came up with the name parcher because in the movie, "a beautiful mind," John Nash imagines this guy William Parcher, but he isn't real. So I figured since this guy isn't real either, I should name him Parcher. But yeah anyway, I just thought I'd clarify since I just read that poem again and have decided that I like it. =)
sooo I'm enjoying college, for those of you who I haven't spoken to. I feel quite settled and have made a bunch of really good friends. I know it's only been 2 weeks but when you LIVE with these people, it's different I guess. You get closer faster. And then there are those people you just hit it off with. All in all, I'm really enjoying myself here. And I honestly don't feel as stupid as I thought I would, going to a smart school and all. I do, however, miss my friends. It's so different being around boys that are not gay. It will take some adjusting to get used to it. Why am I up. It's 3am and I'm not tired and my roommate's out for the weekend so I'm alone in my room, doing nothing. But I had a fun night. Went down to time square with a few friends and waited on this long ass line on a chicken and rice stand. It was interesting. I had fun tho, first time actually went out this week. I have loooots of homework to do tomorrow. So I really should go to bed.
I just got a voicemail from my dad. It was sweet. Damn, I miss my parents man.
night.
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